They say when you love someone, tell them. And tell them often.
I know I've had strong feelings for Coach for a while. I knew it when I'd watch my son play football and he was the first person I'd want to reach out to after a game.
I knew he had those feelings too when I was the first person he'd reach out to after his games too.
I knew it when we'd be lounging around on the weekends we both had our kids, watching the exact same football games on TV and texting each other about it.
I knew it when we were both in tears watching our team in Vegas win the Pac-12.
I knew it when he brought me roses for my birthday and took us to get pedicures.
I knew it when I had to have hard conversations with him and he'd step into the space I needed him to fill and consistently show up in our relationship.
I knew it when he sent a text to my mom on her birthday.
I knew it when my boys started asking for him to come around more.
I knew it when he left a note on my shower door for me to see in the morning.
I knew it when he listened to me talk about my upbringing and wanted to know every detail about what makes me who I am today.
I knew it when he texted and called me multiple times during a really busy week to make sure I was ok.
And I knew it when I said it last weekend.
Coach and I had a chance to be kid free for a weekend and spend some time together.
I knew for a while through his actions that he probably loved me. And his sweet note on my shower with a heart was also a pretty clear sign.
But sometimes the first time you say those words to your person it can be scary.
It can feel very vulnerable and like you might be giving some of your power away.
But it can also be a very empowering moment.
A moment where you allow that vulnerability to move through you and turn into the confidence that you know how you feel and you aren't afraid to express it. Even if you don't get it back.
You don't need it though. Nor can you control what you get back.
You can only control your own emotions, and what you do with them.
So why hang on to them? Why not share them with the world, and especially with those you come in close contact with. Why not allow yourself to feel it all, rather than nothing at all?
I'm a lover by nature, and a feeler, and for some reason opening up my emotions to Coach and saying the words has not come easily to me.
It hasn't been easy for him either.
We've both had to let go of past hurts.
We've both had to heal.
We've both had to be vulnerable with each other and give this relationship a full shot.
So I finally said it.
I thanked him for his sweet note on my shower door, for being so kind, for taking care of me, making me feel more seen and heard, cared for and loved than I have ever been and then told him I love him.
The big grin on his face said it all and he told me he loved me too.
The rest of the weekend was filled with relaxation, a nice dinner, and lots of laughter.
I love him. And he loves me back.
And now I can finally end our phone calls and texts with "P.S. I love you."
Don't be afraid to tell people you love them, and tell them often.
Love you all!
-SJ
The Boutique Bachelorette
