You wanna know the biggest contributor to holding yourself back?
FEAR.
Fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of getting hurt.
But how would you ever know the true potential of what things could be unless you let go of that fear and just go all in and give it your best shot?
Relationships are probably the scariest thing I've ever experienced in my life, also the the most amazing and rewarding, and it's the most amazing when two people commit to embracing that fear, leaning into it, and ride the wave together.
Coach and I have taken a good minute to get to this point, and have had to ride a few waves to get to where we are, and embrace a lot of our insecurities, but my goodness has it SO been worth the wait!.
"Feel the fear and do it anyway."
Friday night was probably my most FAVORITE night we've had yet! And we've had a lot of good ones so things just keep getting better and better!
We went to dinner with a couple of his friends and their wives, and they were all so welcoming and excited to meet me and openly stated how they were all liking this whole situation between He and I and were all advocates of this relationship continuing, haha!
It was great to meet them, and Coach mentioned how he was so glad he finally had someone cool enough and fun enough to bring around his friends.
He said to me after, "You're so personable, and funny and cool and get along with everyone and that's just so refreshing!"
That's cute of him to say that.
After dinner, we headed back to my place to relax and watch some Ted Lasso.
Like we were REALLY just going to sit and watch Ted Lasso, wink wink.
We got cozy on the couch and before the show started, I looked at Coach and said-
Me: Soooo can we just makeout for a little bit?
Coach: Ummmm yes!
Ya'll know how LONG it has taken to get some heat going between us physically and I'll be honest, I've been a little worried about how it would go.
Would he be awkward? Would I be awkward? Would he even be a good kisser? Will he be too timid? Would he really get in to it? Would we be handsy? How many bases would we hit? Would it be a homerun? (Yes, we've kissed before, but nothing extended like this, always vertical, never horizontal, lol!) Do you love how it sounds like we're 15?? I think that's partly why I've loved this slow build up, who doesn't want to feel like a kid again?
Welp...he's a good kisser, he gets in to it, we were not awkward, we were handsy and it was definitely a good time!!
Was it a homerun kind of day? No it was not, not yet. And I like that about us. But we definitely got to some bases we hadn't explored yet, and it's about damn time!
Being the goofy people we are, when things cooled down and we were able to breathe again, he started laughing and I threw my hands in the air and yelled, "FINALLY! I've been wondering what that was gonna be like, why the hell did you wait so long?!"
His response, (laughing hysterically)"Because I was afraid of how good it would be, and HOT DAMN it's GOOD!"
I think we like each other.
So that's the good part.
But you wanna know the BEST part?!
He is FINALLY letting his guard down, letting go of his fear and actually admitted how afraid he's been of the serious potential of what this could be and he's ready to EMBRACE it. Not run from it.
It felt good to hear him say that.
We've both known for a while that neither of us were dating anybody else, but have tip toed around talking about it.
That was because of fear.
He's in, I'm in. We're both ALL IN!!
Get ready for the next wave, they just keep getting better and better!
-SJ
Do I still call myself the Boutique Bachelorette?
Probably so...for now.
